Do we really know which choices are right and which choices are wrong? Being a father for almost a year now, I dare say you'll never ever know until afterwards. So, what do we do? Do we then do nothing? OR do we allow others to choose for us?
This morning as I was reading through the tweets of the people I follow, a friend, Ming tweeted this:
The only way not to make mistakes, is to not do anything. That in itself prove to be the ultimate mistake.
This makes absolute sense to me, because, although this may be a surprise to many of you, NOT doing anything is ALSO A CHOICE! I guess what my friend was trying to say is that if you don't do anything, yes, you may not make those 'mistakes', but some of the biggest mistakes like losing out on an opportunity, happens when we don't do anything.
Based on my observations over the years working with people being a trainer, many like to do NOTHING and think that it is safer. OR they think that because I'm not 'CHOOSING', I will not make any mistakes. I'll share some of these scenarios below...
Scenario 1 - I didn't do anything, its not my fault:
In an office environment, email is a very common form of communication. Mr. Safe receives an email from a his boss sharing the team's plan for the year. He spots some problem with the paln, but though to himself that to be safe, is to do nothing at all. Later that year, something goes wrong with the plan. Mr. Safe blames his boss, "My boss so stupid, he should've known that this will not work. Even I COULD SEE that there were problems with the plan. Now its ALL HIS FAULT that our team is f**ked and we're going to blow our budget for this year....its ALL HIS FAULT!"
Think again, was it the boss' fault? Probably yes. But was it ALL HIS FAULT? probably NOT! In this case, Mr. Safe thinks that just because he did not do anything, he is NOT responsible for the mistake. WRONG! Mr. Safe, being a member of the team, has a responsibility to ensure that the team is headed in the right direction and that the team achieves its goals. We must understand one thing, like I said earlier, NOT making a choice IS indeed a CHOICE! Mr. safe CHOSE not to do anything and hence he should ALSO be responsible for the mistake.
Saying this to Mr. Safe, he objects, "But my boss doesn't listen, even if I pointed it out in the first place, he would've shot me down and told me to mind my own business and he'll think that his plan is perfect! What am I supposed to do? I still think I did the right thing!"
Mr. Safe has a point, but it doesn't change the fact that he did not make any effort at all to save the team. This is what I'll suggest Mr. Safe can do. Present to his boss that there is a flaw in the plan, then suggest a solution (of course how you present this is also very crucial, perhaps I'll write something about communication in the near future). Be very objective and keep the team goals in mind. If for some reason, Mr. Safe's boss is so egoistic as to not listen. Then when the problem occurs later in the year, Mr. Safe can then say that he has done everything he could to prevent, and now we can then say it was more of the boss's fault now.
But is it ALL HIS FAULT? I really don't believe that any single event can be a result of one person's actions alone. I believe that everything that happens is contributed by many factors. In this scenario, perhaps Mr. Safe could have tried his second time telling his boss when signs of trouble began to emerge. If that didn't work, how about third time? Fourth? Fifth? In fact, there are still many other options in the corporate world that I'm not going to dwell into. Bottom line is this, Mr. Safe had a choice, not making one is also a choice.
Scenario 2 - They told me to, its not my fault, I didn't have a choice!
Ms. Safe goes for massage (professional ones). The masseuse was applying intense pressure and made Ms. Safe uncomfortable. She then told the masseuse to soften a little bit. The masseuse told Ms. Safe that this is the pressure that is good for her health, if the pressure is reduced, the effect won't be as good. Ms. Safe, though feeling the pain, decided to take the advice of the masseuse.
The next day, Ms. Safe was having body aches everywhere and started complaining, "That masseuse I'm telling you, really lousy! She pressed so hard and its causing me a lot of pain. That place is terrible." A caring friend asks, "Didn't you tell the masseuse to reduce the strength?" Ms. Safe yelled, "I DID! I told her that, but she won't listen, what choice did I have? She said that it was good for me, now clearly, she's wrong. I shouldn't have listened to her, now I'm aching all because of this lousy masseuse!"
Let's think carefully here, did Ms. Safe have a choice? She did make known to the masseuse that she wasn't comfortable, does that technically make her right? She decided to proceed with the massage with the masseuse's suggestion, Ms. Safe MADE A CHOICE!
Very often, I see people doing this. Because I used to do it a lot! I used to blame people for the choices they've made FOR ME...now when I think back again, I say to myself, WHAT?!?! What was I thinking, how can anyone make a choice for me? That is just absurd!
Having shared these 2 scenarios, I hope that you can see that we always have a choice. But more importantly, we are ALWAYS (and I mean it, always) responsible for our choices. Sometimes these choices don't look like choices because we choose not to choose or choose not to do. That very decision in itself is a CHOICE.
I would like to encourage everyone to try this. From now on, tell yourself that everything you do is a result of your own choices. What you eat, what you say, what you see, what you hear, what you want, what you buy, what you feel, what you believe, what you think, who you are and who you'll become. You will always have a Choice!
Have a great Sunday, I choose to spend time with my family, so although I have many other points I'd like to share about choices, I'll write them next time.
0 comments:
Post a Comment